Pregnancy; Oh the joys of expecting!
The glow, the sweet little bump, the eager anticipation of that sweet little baby…..Not!
Who really falls for all that crap anyways? Sheesh.
Let’s be honest, there is no glow. That’s most likely sweat, or makeup, but more likely sweat. Ever heard of boob sweat? No? Well you’ll be having a lot of it so get used to wiping between bra band and your rib cage with paper towels and crumbly toilet paper every time you use the bathroom, and good luck hiding it. *snorts*
Sweet little bump? Yeah, that disappeared in the first 12 weeks or so. Then it become this large, protruding ball inconveniently attached to your stomach. You’ll probably more closely associate with a beached whale than a human being and during the last few weeks you’ll be begging your husband to take you out back and slaughter you like a fattened calf. Yep, it’s wonderful.
And then there’s the waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and did I mention waiting? Babies come when they’re gosh darn ready to come so get ready for some more waiting. I think there’s nothing worse than having no concrete out date. They give you a due date but it means nothing. You could have you baby before (ha! you wish!) or even weeks after. Fun right?
And how about that gas. *cue slow clap* Yes, yes that tremendous, life threatening stench came from my body, and if you stick around for another minute or two I’ll prove it to you. Everything gives you gas. And it’s bad man, I mean really bad.
Just wait until that adorable little basket ball strapped to your stomach balloons out to resemble a giant exercise ball and you’re required to bend over to tie (or just put on) your shoes. It’s like Mission Impossible over here. Wiggling, bending left, right, squatting (or at least doing something grossly resembling a squat), panting, grunting, yep and all to just get your shoes on.
Did I mention the need to pee? Sweet Jesus have mercy. All. The. Time. Doesn’t matter if you’ve had nothing to drink in the past 48 hours, you will need to pee. All day, all night. It’s fabulous. At night you’ll finally wiggle your way into a comfortable position surrounded by half a dozen pillows and BAM!, potty time!
Have you ever seen a turtle stuck on it’s back? Yeah, that’s you trying to get out of bed.
Pregnancy, it’s such a beautiful time.
PostScript; Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram to see daily snap shots of my life and also a few bonus pictures to go along with my WordPress blog posts 😉 Ha ha, that’s a nice way to say check out my Instagram from today to see a picture of me as a big ‘ol preggo lady. @HonestlyMommy….