(Part 4 of my personal Love Story, make sure to read the posts below so you’re not lost!)
My emotions were a mess. I loved my boyfriend, I hated change, and I didn’t know how to go about ending things between us. But there was hope in my heart at the same time. This boy who I had cared so deeply about for years suddenly seemed like he was interested in me – a lot. It was fate, destiny, something…But that didn’t change the hard facts of my current situation.
I cried all night. I cried from anger. I cried from shame, sadness. I shed tears of happiness as I thought about the possibilities the future may hold if I was single. I cried in pain and confusion.
When the sun rose the next morning my mind was made up; I knew I had to take the chance that I’d been waiting my entire life for.
Breaking up with my boyfriend of almost two years, who I’d been through a lot of ‘firsts’ with was hard, so hard in fact that we both cried. I can’t say he seemed surprised, he knew it was coming after the early morning incident and didn’t try to defend himself or apologize. We both seemed to accept that fact that it was over; somehow I think we both knew it had ended long before we ever ended it officially.
We stood in my parent’s driveway, the blazing colors of fall all around us and hugged.
“I’ll miss you.” He said into my hair.
“I’ll miss you too.” I sniffed, my cheeks wet with tears. He pulled away and kissed me gently, I returned his kiss. Then he walked away. That was the last time I ever saw or heard from him. All our history together wrapped up and sealed away in a corner of my heart. The end of one chapter, the beginning of something new.
I gathered myself and began to prepare for his homecoming; we hadn’t seen each other since…Well, in a long time. What would it be like?
When he called that night and I told him it was officially over his reply was;
“Good, I’ve never been a cheater.”
That was the first night we ever blatantly flirted. Although there had been hints all throughout our relationship, he had never been so obvious in his innuendos. One of the last conversations we got into was about how good of a kisser he was (don’t ask me how we got there!);
“I wouldn’t know.” I said.
“Oh, you will.”
With that imminent promise hanging between us he arrived a few days later.
Our first meeting was emotionally charged for sure. The moment he stepped out of his sleek blue car looking super sexy in his leather aviator jacket I wanted to rush him. I stood where I was, like a lady, and waited for him to come to me. He sauntered up to me and stopped just a few inches from me, a lazy smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Hey.” He said.
“Hey.” I said back. We smiled at each other and I could smell the spicy scent of his cologne. Although I remained steady on the outside, I was melting like butter inside.
“So are you going to hug me or what?” I laughed and fell into his arms and the awkwardness between us subsided; only the emotionally charged tension remained.
We spent every spare moment of that week together. He’d been in town for a few days, we flirted, laughed, talked, and yet nothing more serious had taken place. I was a bit frustrated as I was sure he would initiate the kiss immediately and then we would spend the rest of the week as little lovebirds, but he didn’t. I was talking to a friend his last day in town, sharing my bewilderment that it hadn’t happened yet when she said,
“Just kiss him! What are you waiting for anyways? Besides, if he leaves and you don’t kiss him you’ll always wonder what could have happened; you’ll regret it if you don’t.”
With those teenage words of wisdom running through my head I hopped into the passenger seat of his coop and we zoomed off together. I sat in agony. Those words running over and over in my head; “You’ll regret it if you don’t.” My palms were sweaty and I’d stopped talking a long time ago so awkward silence filled the car, although he didn’t seem to notice. I kept glancing out of the corner of my eye at him. Calculating the situation and my plan of attack. Should I do it in the car so he couldn’t retaliate? Should I wait until we got out? How they heck did someone decide when and where was appropriate for a first kiss anyhow!? No wonder this was supposed to be left to the boys, it was much too stressful! I cast a side long glance his way again only to see him watching me this time.
“What?” He asked smiling that adorable smile at me.
And then I launched myself at him. Yes, while we were driving. The seat belt cut into my chest as I strained to lean across the counsole placed so awkwardly between us and plant a chaste little kiss on his cheek. There. I’d done it.
The look on his face was worth the uncomfortable effort I’d had to put into the whole ordeal; I wasn’t sure if shock or confusion would win out over his expression. Wait…Confusion? For a second I panicked thinking maybe I’d totally misread all the signs; my insecurities came rushing back at me like a flood. What had I just done?
It took a moment for the shock to subside and then the car found the side of the road and he was there, his hand around the back of my neck pulling me to him. He did not kiss my cheek, he kissed me full on the lips. His soft, supple mouth touched mine and the warmth of his lips was nothing compared to the fire that ripped through my chest.
This was happening. I’d dreamed of this moment for years but nothing prepared me for the actual moment. So many years of pent up emotions finally realized with a kiss. Not even the console digging into my side could dampen the bliss of that moment.
Cheers to Love,
PS) Later, when we debriefed that moment, he told me that he had planned to kiss me, just one, long kiss before he got in his car to head back to Oklahoma. I rolled my eyes and sighed at the stupidity of boys.