Embarrassing Confessions; I Eat More Than My Husband

And I’m talking waaaaaaaay more. All you preggo and nursing mommies are like “Well duh!”, but I’m talking about pre-babies; that’s what makes it so embarrassing. 

I used to always serve Mr. CoolJ the bigger portion at dinner only to have him tell me he couldn’t finish it. Then I’d be over there with the dieter’s portion still starving and wondering what was wrong with me.

Actually I’ve kind of wondered that my whole life (not what’s wrong with me, sheesh! Why I eat more than everyone else!).

I realized pretty early on that all my teeny-tiny little friends ate like birds, and then there was me, who ate like a wooly mammoth -they ate like a couple of tons of food a day okay!? It didn’t take me very long to start feeling self conscious about the amount of food I could put away.

So I became a closet fattie.

If I knew I was going over to a friends house for dinner, I’d usually at least snack before hand. Sometimes I’d pack my own granola bars and stuff for emergency situations. One time, and I really can’t believe I’m admitting this, I actually stole food off my friends plate when she went to the bathroom. O. M. G. Yep, I said it. I was so afraid that the food on my plate wasn’t going to be enough I stole a few bites of hers; the pork chop anyways. What!? I needed the protein and she never noticed. Well at least I don’t think she noticed.

Best part is, I was never over weight or even chubby as a child. I was always rail thin. When I hit puberty I filled out a bit. 

Although I’ve always been curvy or a little thick, I’ve never been considered fat, so where the heck does all that extra food go? I’m not 100% sure really. All I know is that in the early days of my marriage it caused me a lot of angst. I used to eat pretend portions during meals with my husband and then chow when he left for work.

It’s taken a lot of years for me to come to grips with the fact that I eat more than most cows in a single day, but now at least I can laugh about it and warn people before dinner. I’m all “Oh, is that all you made? Yeah, you should probably make some more for yourself.”

Ha. Best part is I’m just talking about normal every-day-Penny. We’re not even taking into account raging pregnancy hormones and the constantly depleted state of a pregnant woman. I chow man.

Buffet’s are always a problem. I mean how many times can you go back without looking like a freak?

And then there’s endless whatever, ‘Um excuse me Waitress? I know the sign says endless, but you seem to have stopped refilling my plate…”

Self-serve yogurt; good lord! Whoever invented that concept is mean! Just mean okay?

Speaking of food, my stomach is on the war path right now.

The Always Hungry,


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